From Boardroom to Baby...and back to Business

Greetings Ultraviolet Unicorns & Fairies!

The snow this weekend offered ample time to clean, re-organize, and a host of other busy work that we tend to put off for a rainy or snowy day. This weather phenomenon in Wash, Dc offered a weekend internal review for this Jedi Master. i'm in a strange place, quite unfamiliar and at times overwhelming. i spend many hours pondering, "how did i get here?"

At times such as these I retreat to the library. Down to the living room to seek the perfect book which holds the answers or at least points me in the right direction to resolve the matter (s). By this time it was 1am Sunday morning. The snow had stopped pouring from the heavens. Not a single book jumped out at me. Usually, there is no issue, but i was stumped. Picked up a few books from different genre's; spiritual, medical, a cool Ayurveda book i forgot that i owned, a few old economic publications i once found delightful- yes delightful. i love the study of economics. Ask me and all things boil down to " unlimited wants of limited resources," better than Sudoku. I got nothin'. Until I squatted low, and spotted it at the bottom corner of the left wall bookshelf. "Bye Bye Boardroom" my 1st published work.

To be clear, i was a contributing author on this collaborative effort in 2005 by Rachel Hamman published by Capital Books, Inc 2006. Voila! The universe has spoken in its whisper tone's once again. I've heard it said that to understand where you are going you must understand where you have come from, something to this effect. i use to tell someone close to me that past behavior is a strong indicator of future outcomes. He laughed me off, had no respect or concern for the relevance of history. What do you think?

So i guess the universe wants me to stay on the path of introspection, bringing light to the truth and possibly illuminating my guiding torch once again. My submission was titled "From Boardroom to Baby," Enjoy!

Thinking back, it was then that i decided to change the trajectory of my career. Seated in the plush leather high back chair around the cherry wood conference table adorned with dazzling flowers and fresh food, I took in the vibrant sails gliding past the Opera House. Much smaller than i first imagined, it was however a lovely distraction from the self-important banter flying around my head. In the penthouse boardroom of this skyscraper, i was smart enough to tag a chair opposing the floor-to-ceiling windows. This was a five-day meeting, including all relevant managers governing the operations of the Asia Pacific region of this French conglomerate, and it dragged on and on. i was the youngest, the only female, solo American and no longer enamored with this "fantastic"carer of a lifetime.

This was the third day of a six-week residency on my fifth expedition to the region in 2.5 years, and i had already handed in my mental resignation. Engineering and Operations was not my joie de vive, and at the tender age of 27, i was adamant that something had to give. As the regional sales director, a petite Frenchman- much less arrogant than my group manager and a lot more personable- stood near the projection wall, pointing at optimistic and completely unfounded quarterly extrapolations, my mind escaped the confines of this place yet again. The Harbor Bridge situated to the left of this picture window looked like a massive jungle gym with tourist climbing up and down its assembled steel, connected only by rope and common daredevil desires. With fondness in my glazed eyes, i remembered my time on the bridge, back when i was captivated by this city, my job and life's possibilities. Funny thing is, it was only two years ago. Too many corporate illusions in such a contracted span of time will do that to someone. You know, shove them out of love or even like of their career, or just maybe over the bridge into the harbor.

As usual, i racked up the sky miles from Sydney to Auckland to Tokyo then Singapore with a respite in Langkawi, Malaysia. Then there was more business in Singapore and Hong Kong before returning to the ocean city of Sydney. i really missed my boyfriend, The pleasures of his smile was on hiatus. i was across the world experiencing exotic and sometimes frightening things, all alone. My stereotypical French boss and his Laotian "yes-man" were not my idea of traveling companions. They weren't even my idea of co-workers.

The one thing that helped keep my spirits up was shopping! The dollar was strong and I had lots of them. The Yen dug deep into my pockets, but Hong Kong and Sydney helped improve my mood. I begged my main man to take a contract (work) in Sydney (with me). He was an independent consultant at that time. We could have lived like royalty. He balked and I returned to my homeland and lover.

To my surprise, as one door was closing, another one was creeping open. My main man was just as ready for a change of life as i had become, or at least he thought so. We bought and renovated a couple of old DC row houses, got engaged and became married- all in the following year. Whew! What a whirlwind of 12 months. I would not suggest such vigorous activity to anyone.
Let's just say there were therapist's and prescriptions involved. :o) i (soon) abandoned the notion of pharmaceutical aid and found my way back to yoga. i didn't realize what a blessing and significant part of my life this discipline would become.

Throughout our courtship, my husband and I sustained a commuter relationship. My girlfriends couldn't believe that i considered myself whole and fulfilled without having my mate at arm's reach seven days a week. i found it odd that they would consistently demand the attention and presence of their partners. To each their own. But, of course, the news that free spirit me would actually jump the broom and take a groom dazed and intrigued them all. Secretly, i relished any opportunity to add shock value. i don't consider myself a rebel, but one of my favorite quotes would be by Malcolm X: "The road to freedom is seldom traveled by the masses." So yes, this wild child was settling down with a Muslim man to boot....more shock value!

Within six months of the wedding, the glow of "newlywedism" had faded to black. Life as a single person during the week versus partying lovebirds on the weekend was taking its toll on the 29-year-old corporate burnout. Hubby and i talked about finally consolidating households. We would convert our newly renovated city pad into a rental property, and i would finally make the move to Philadelphia where he had been on a long term contract. There was some resistance by my partner to actually begin our marriage- you know, living together, sharing finances, starting a family. It seemed he really hadn't thought through the logistics of merging our separate lives into a single joint venture. Well, I had, and ready- or-not off we went. I had recently joined him as a 30-something, picked up my life, and moved to a foreign city-not so scary for me, but leaving my friends and financial independence, well that was a bitter pill to swallow.

Little did i know then that life was about to become a bit more daunting.

Shortly after the transplant shock subsided, i found that my ovulation tracking software, fertility OPK kits, and Nazi-like cervical mucous checks finally yielded the desired results. Just six months post birth control pill abandonment, and we are pregnant! Like many first-time preggers, I went overboard with the announcement to hubby. There were pink and blue balloons, my Elmo doll- yes, Elmo- holding the positive pg test stick in the pocket of his overalls. (Elmo wore 0/3-months overalls) :o)

i was even more ecstatic to find that the dreaded morning sickness seemed to elude me with every week that went by. Nothing more than super exhaustion and occasionally a sharp, debilitating pain on my left side. It only happened twice during my sixth and eighth weeks, and it would retreat as swiftly as it appeared. Not even the agony of those sharp pains dismayed my elation that my life was on an altered course, a married soon-to-be-mommy. Almost no one could believe this was me.

Shortly upon relocating to Pennsylvania, i began the dreaded job search. i wasn't so much looking to re-enter the corporate arena, but this SAHW( stay-at-home wife) thing wasn't as shiny and bright as it seemed from the other side of the playing field. My husband had a life in Pennsylvania. i didn't and desperately needed one. However, after the pregnancy news, the search traversed to locating an OB-GYN.

Can i tell you what an eye opening experience this was? Man, health-care in America is in deep trouble if you ask me. It took four referrals from wives of men i barely knew and four weeks to finally confirm an OB appointment. Week ten and two days would be my first eagerly appointed appointment. Week ten and zero days, i began bleeding bright red blood. I had ignored my intuitive suspicion regarding the previous two weeks of dark brown spotting. Various sources- cyber chat clubs and mommy-to-be books-had assured me that old brown blood was less suspicious than fresh red blood. Boy, was i right that something was wrong.

Two emergency rooms later, four doctors, a surgeon, one less fallopian tube, two pints of blood, one week in the hospital, and four weeks of no driving or exercise as i lay all alone on my couch popping Oxycontin and waiting for my stitches to dissolve- my mind drifted back to final days in Asia. "Life wasn't so bad, little girl," I thought to myself. "Sure some men I worked with were jerks, but I knew how to handle them. Maybe you weren't designed for this particular calling," my mind continued on this path. "You may not have liked your career, but at least you were good at it." Okay, so I stopped taking the Oxycontin and on to the 800mg Ibuprofen- much less taxing on the brain and emotions. I must say the healing process was a mountain to climb. i really wanted to be pregnant, have a baby, and be a mother. i always got what I wanted, but this time I was humbled instead of rewarded.

One year and one month later, i found myself being rewarded in a way i never anticipated. Me, the yoga preaching/teaching, natural childbirth advocate, was being put through her paces at The Birth Center. Thirty-one hours of active labor elapsed before everyone was tired, and we schlepped across the street to the hospital for Pictocin and drug relief. Seven hours after that, my reward was in hand. He was pushed out in 30 minutes, all seven pounds, seven ounces, bright-eyed and a carbon copy of my own newborn picture!

"Oh my God," after noting the immediate physical relief that washed over me, "this is how it happens. I'm a part of the circle of life. " Smiling inside, I was proud to have conquered this rite of passage. Those doubts about my fertility and worthiness to become a mom softened with each waning contraction.

So, not only am i a SAHW, I've added SAHM to my list of credentials. The journey has been awesome. In just 13 months, i have re-acquainted myself with many positive characteristics of the old me that i mistakenly thought had no place in my "new" life, as well as discovered elements of my new evolving self. i must admit, it took some time for me to feel like i was NOT baby-sitting, that indeed, this is my son. It took me a while to realize that sleeping in no longer exists; forget about it now and don't be resentful.

On the other hand, i smile like Ronald McDonald when watching my little man trying to run from his father who's chasing him on all fours, or when he "looks" for me behind my hands as we play peek-a-boo. i also preen with pride as i reply, "yes" when asked if i still breast-feed or when my yoga students congregate around my little man after class even though he squealed all the way through savasana.

There has been enough distance, kind of like labor, that i can look at my career and highlight the idyllic memories, foregoing the less favorable aspects like the mind-numbing meetings on situations that will never change. My new career offers me the position of teacher and student on a daily basis. Together we unfold our mutual biographies, one day at a time. And, oh yeah, i had almost forgotten how intriguing an old set of house keys can be!

Baby Hulk #2 is awake. All writing and efforts of concentration must cease now. :o) Shortly after the publication, i moved back to DC and the rest is history being made. i hope you enjoyed this Shakti trip. A few things were clarified on how i got to this fork in the road, and i have been reminded......